“Lord, can you hear me now? Or am I lost?”
Hello world.
Sorry I haven’t written sooner.
I’m kind of going through a downer of a time right now.
I have moved to Berlin. Everything is in order. Still wondering if I made the right choice to move.
Big cities intimidate me. Berlin is big. I am scared.
I have no internet in my room… that pretty much means I have to cut out all communication with my home friends and family thanks to the time difference. Sorry guys… I wish there was something I could do about it, but as far as I can see there isn’t. Any ideas, smart people out there?
It also makes it more difficult for me to have time to write new posts. So don’t expect to hear too much from me for the next few months.
I am aching with sadness… I sorely miss my friends that are in Düsseldorf. It’s upsetting to finally become close with people but then have to almost immediately afterwards abandon them.
I am extremely sad that I cannot be around for my art show that is currently in Sioux Center. I have no idea what is in it, or what will be said about me, or what my fellow students have to say about their own work. My group doesn’t seem very interested in letting the abroad people know it what’s going on and it’s a sad deal.
There is someone in America who I sorely want to attack with a big hug and a long talk - more than ever, but unfortunately it’s impossible while I don’t have the time or money for a long-distance hug attack. I only hope emailing can substitute a good Diane hug.
I have a new host family - it’s a single South American woman. She runs a daycare in her house. She is very energetic, and frankly I am scared of her as well… probably because she is not what I expect from a German person. She has quite a few rules, and being an unruly young lady, I am scared I am going to upset her.
I have my new class… it is mainly young people about my age. I think a couple of them would be cool to be friends with, but for the most part my first impressions of a lot of them are negative. Maybe it’s just that I am having a hard time being positive right now.
But then again… there are always things I can try to be happy about.
My good friend, Andrea, lives merely 2 u-bahn stations away from me… meaning she is very easily accessible. I might be needing that. She is also in my class. Yay!
I actually have a refrigerator in my bedroom.. and easy access to a kitchen. I kind of had a kitchen before, but I was scared of getting in my host-family’s way. This time it’s much easier and comfortable. Now I can eat more like I used to in the USA… which will help me not feel so foreign.
I found an art supply store… and I went crazy with happiness. I got a few supplies, and think that I will be making some good canvas paintings in Berlin… provided I find a place to paint. I’m scared my host woman will freak out if I painted in the room. If these paintings turn out good, they will become gifts for the people I love the most.
I have successfully been using more German than ever. I’m pretty sure that the bulk of my conversations are completely in German since I’ve come to Berlin. Today I talked to a store person - we started in English, but after a while we realized it would be better if we just both talked German… and I did a great job! My host woman also mentioned that my German was good. Encouragement is a good thing.
However, I feel alone… again. It’s like I came to Germany again. I miss being in a place that I am familiar with. It will get better with time, but right now I feel like I can easily disappear off this planet and it wouldn’t make much of a difference.
But really, don’t worry about me. There will be better days… I am living… I am healthy… I am breathing… and I have my friend Michaele visiting me in Berlin in two weeks, which I am very excited about.
Till then, I could really use good thoughts.
Love, Dee Dee
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hey, diane,
learned about the positive and the negative tunes from your blog! - but, do not forget, it´s you, who decided to take the brave travel over here. and that does not mean cosy iowa and beloved family!
i am 99% sure ( a non-physicist would say 110&) , that you will make your friends there in berlin! anew, you obviously are quite communicative and do attract people
so, keep head up
ys uncle
ps: when visiting your blog i realise that i do more and more like your musik playing in the background
Hang in there girl! (Picture me giving you a huge hug right now.)
I hate when I’m really upset, and someone comes up to me and says, “It’s gonna be OK.” Because they don’t know the circumstances, and they don’t know if things really are going to work out the way I would like. So…I’m not gonna falsely promise that you are going to be happy in the near future.
However, I do know that God is in control. He knows what’s best for you, and will never give you more than you can handle.
Do you have a regular mail address I could send letters to? I was thinking about going to the reception on Friday. If I do so, I’ll give you an update on what art you had in, what people said, etc…
Looking forward to seeing you soon Diane! Everything will be okay. By the time you see us, you will have made new friends and you will have a lot places in Berlin that you want to show us. Love you, MOM
It’s always difficult to leave people that you have connection with… as much as it’s in some ways irrelevant, the spatial aspect of being with someone is very real and strong for us (humans). But, looking at it another way, you let some people in on you, and they became special to you, and you became special to them, and while those relationships may change, the fact that a group of people in Dusseldorf Germany meant something real to you will never change. That experience (of leaving people) has made me feel kind of like I’m from everywhere and nowhere… it changes your ideas about what home is… or it has for me.
Have you asked your host lady if you could paint in your room? Maybe she wouldn’t mind at all if you covered the floor or whatever? She does have kids running around all the time, they must create some mess, and she’s ok with that.
Well done on the German language! You’ll have to give me a refresher when you come back
And know that there are some of us at least to whom your disappearance would make a big difference.
Best wishes adjusting to Berlin!
Liebe Deedles die Malerin;
Hor nicht auf für dein Kunst. Du kannst in die Straßen malen, oder die Unterbahn Mauern malen? Das machst du denn eine Mauermalerin? Sei nicht bedrückt…alles werden auswerken…Ja? Wir werden sie besuchen, nächste Monat, und dann sprichst du besser Deutsch als deiner Vater. Das Stimmt!!!!Internet? Kannst du nicht beim Goethe Institut anschließen?
Mutter und ich sind bereits Deutschland weider zu geniessen. Alles ist fremden und ein bißchen fürchterlich, aber, alles Leben ist wieso. Und denke, was machst das Leben gern? Deine Freunden und Freundennin! Andrea…Herbert…Hille…. sie sind alles mehr wertig als viel Gold. (Nicht Geld, nach Dennis is Geld wertlos). Du musst zwei mal ausziehen, vor du sagst abschied zu Deutschland. Nimm e-mail addressen von deine neue Freunden, und dann habst du Ausrede, wieder nach Europa zu gehen!
Diener Vater
Dee deee, dont be sad
that makes me SAD!!! Don’t be lost! you can remember the times we where there and we stayed at that CRAZY east berlin and then if you are still lonely you can eat a doner and pretend like I gave it to you and I was eating it with you!! I also would notice if you disappeared off the world.. I was getting worried that you did not write in your blog a lot!
anyways deeds.. what time in Iowa will you be online??? we can make a date and you can call me and I will wake up to talk to you… ok???
Love you lots and i Know it will get better there
Remember when we first got to germany we were so alone but it was only a short while before we fit in and had the best time ever!!
Hallo Diane,
hier ist die Patentante von Sebastian,…
Ich kann mir vorstellen,dass du dich im Moment in deiner neuen Umgebung sehr verloren fühlst.
(Großstadt ohne Begleitung ist für mich der Horror!!)
Aber deine bisherigen Berichten zeigten,dass du anderen Leuten mit großer Aufgeschlossenheit begegnest und schnell Freunde findest.Deshalb bin ich sicher, von dir bald wieder fröhliche Dinge zu lesen.Sicher hast du sehr bald wieder neue Freunde gefunden!!!!
Habe ich richtig gelesen:Du hast keine Möglichkeit mehr ins Internet zu kommen?
Zur Not gibt es Internetcafes.(Ich habe im Internet mehrere Adressen in Berlin gefunden.)Frage mal nach,falls im Goethe-Institut nichts geht,was ich mir nicht vorstellen kann.
“Halte die Ohren steif” ,sicher geht es dir bald wieder besser!
Ich denke an dich und drücke dir gaaaaanz fest Daumen,dass du bald wieder richtig fröhlich bist!
Katja
Dee Dee,
Sorry to hear about your loneliness! Our hearts go out to you! We love you and you are in our thoughts and prayers!
Uncle Lew
hey, dee dee… sorry I didnt’ write sooner, but the last week we were in CA and the internet was not too reliable. I hope everything goes well… I will be mailing you a box once I get my act together… it might take at least a week because we’re having a St. Pat’s party at our house on Friday. But anyways, thanks for the gummies… we have all been enjoying them. We love to Maomix stuff… before you leave you’ll have to send more… and Patrick loves the frogs and rats (um, i mean, mice!). We’re saving a bunch for Easter. Anyways, I love you and I know that things are difficult right now, but remember that you have a lot of people that love you, and before you know it, you’re going to be laughing and hanging out with a lot of new friends, who you will be so glad you met! So don’t worry!!!
~SARAH~